Too Tired To Care Anymore

Enough. Enough is enough! I've had enough! I'm so fed up. Seriously I feel like crying. Jujur aku cakap, bukan aku tak nak. Aku nak. Tapi aku perlu pastikan yang keputusan yang akan aku buat ni, tidak membuatkan aku menyesal dikemudian hari. Aku tak nak sekarang buat, entah-entah tua nanti tak buat. Nauzubillah... mintak jauh. Tapi bila engkau cakap, without YOU, yes YOU knowing what I THINK, what I FEEL then it's not fair! Aku nak sangat pakai. If possible, I wanna go to a place where nobody knows me and start wearing them. Then I'll come home with the 'New' me. Cuz I don't really like when people comment 'Nina nampak comel la pakai cam ni' or 'You look better with it'. Please. I don't like it. Cuz I don't want my decision to be affected by your comments. Let me wear it because of HIM. Him and only HIM. No other. Tapi bila orang dah mula bagi comment cam tu kat aku, kate aku keluar maktab je itu pun cabut. Universiti sebagai platform untuk tanggal semualah. Aku rasa sedih. Aku sedih sebab dia tak tahu apa yang hati aku tengah rasa. I don't wanna tell this, but I think about this every single day. Everytime I look at people with it, I'd think they look pretty in it. And along with it, there's a feeling of blessed. A feeling you can't describe. But what do YOU KNOW? Nothing. You know nothing and you talk as if YOU KNOW what's inside of my heart and mind. Don't. Don't do that. Aku tak benci. Aku tak benci engkau. Sebab aku fikir, itu juga sebagai satu cara Allah 'berkomunikasi' dengan aku. Tapi aku punya ego juga. Honestly, aku rasa terkesima bila orang yang pernah ada rekod buruk, terbabit dengan kes curi, rokok, and dadah, bagi aku advice panjang berjela... Memang betul pun apa yang dia cakap. But can't you do it in a softer way? Guh. What do these people know right? Especially those from ($^%#%*&^!. Typical. Sudahlah. Aku dah penat. Terlalu penat untuk terasa dengan apa yang orang nak buat or kata kat aku. Doesn't mean that I'm in THIS STATE, I know nothing about my faith. If you think so, I'd say you're in deeply wrong shit. Sorry fellas. Aku tak kisah dah apa kau nak buat. LANTAK ENGKAULAH. Aku dah penat. Penat. Rimas pun ada. Suka hati engkaulah nak buat apa. Tak kisah.

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What's on your mind is there for a reason. :)