Fresh Pain

Well, what do you know about fresh pain?? Is it about something that cause you hurt recently? Or is it about pain that’s kept in your heart, always?? Different bodies, different experiences.

You see, when I was a kid, I have this one person whom I hate. Won’t tell who, but I think you can guess it, provided that you know the story of my life. Heh. I don’t know why but I think I know why, I hated this one person. Perhaps because I looked so much like her?? And not like my mom?? I don’t know. Besides, I’m always annoyed with her strictness in the house. Sometimes I feel that... urgh! You know la perasaan zaman budak-budak dulu kan. But then, today I’m grateful for her strictness. Cuz from her strictness I learn how to have manners and how to be a.... civilised person. More or less. At least I know that we must ask PERMISSION first before we use other people’s thing. Right, we’re not going into civilisation people. But then, as I grew up, I realized we have quite a lot of things in common. And I hated that too. I mean like, why must I have similarities with her???! And so when I think back, I thought it was because I hated her. That’s when I believe ‘You are what you hate’.

When we think about it again, that’s why Allah doesn’t want us to hate each other. Have you heard of the sentence ‘If you hate one person, TEN people will hate you more’? You see, when you hate one person, it must be because of WHAT that person is, meaning like attitude or whatever related to the person; or, you simply hate that person. 

For example, B hates D. For what reason, I don’t know. Perhaps B hates D because D loves to talk bad things about others and that D doesn’t know how to keep a secret. So, hating D, B try to “express” B’s hatred towards C. Then B also did the same thing with F. Followed by G. Then Y. And the list goes on and on and on. The people that B talks to, about D, realizes that B hates D. So, when the rest (C, F, G and Y) sit down together and they now, talk about B! And knowing that B hates D, they started to have this uneasy feeling towards B. At the end of the day, B is also dislike (softer than hate) by the others. Can you see the link there?? Or perhaps you can try to read it once again.

I’m sure now you know what I mean by ‘What you hate is what you are’. That’s why if possible I don’t want to reach the level of having the hatred feelings to the people around me. When you hate somebody, whether for the person himself, or for the attitude, I’m sure it is something that you don’t wanna have but you’re gonna have it somehow, and only God knows how.

If you hate anything about me, you are free to tell me why you hate me. Or why you dislike me. Perhaps I can try to IMPROVE myself. I’m not doing this because of you. I’m doing this for the sake of Him. Berkawan kerana Allah. Hidup kerana Allah. Bukan nak tunjuk aku alim. Aku tak alim pun. But I’m trying to be the best I can.

Aku berterima kasih kepada insan yang telah menegur aku, walaupun tidak secara face to face, I appreciate it. Walaupun not directly, I thank you. You know who you are. Aku tak kisah kau nak benci aku ke, itu pilihan engkau. Yang penting, aku tak nak jadi orang yang memutuskan silaturrahim. I need some time first to be ‘cool’ since I noticed that my face was hot, literally due to trying not to be extremely mad when I saw that person again. Okay, enough of that story. Dah basi pun. Busuk dah.

Really, sometimes you need others to be your mirror. But before that, you have to be brave enough to face the truth. Though some mirrors might not be THAT reflective. Take anything positively. And may He guide us the right way.

P.s.: I’m trying my best not to let myself drown in this... mess.


2 comments

  1. totally understand about the 'you are what you hate'
    hehe, ada pengalaman dan pengalaman tu dah ajar aku supaya jgn benci org. it's not worth it at ALL.

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What's on your mind is there for a reason. :)