Something In Between

Sem 2 is about to begin in about 2 days time.

Soon.

I'm not sure if I'm mentally prepared for this.

First, is because I've had quite an experience during my second sem before. I reaaaaaally hope nothing bad will happen this coming sem. No misunderstanding, no not-talking-to-each-other-and-awkward-smile-cuz-you-offended-me, no unappreciated friendly act, no backstabbing ahhhh who the hell cares the no no no! For God's sake, Nina! Focus on the bright side for once in your life! I'm paranoid. Yes, I am. Sem 2 for me was a time when everybody starts to show their true colours. O.o I reaaaaaaally hope everything goes well this sem. In terms of friendship, and of course, academically, which.... brings us to the next topic! =.=

The moment I see my pointer pops up in the screen, I dunnow how to react. I was mad at myself (and still am now) that I dunnoe how to react. I love myself too much to hurt myself. LOL But yeah, I'm still devastated with my result. Yeah. I know. Three pointer is good enough for most people. But for me, it's not. Okay is never good enough, and good enough is not good enough. Yes, I may look and sound like one ungrateful bastard, but that's just how hard I am to me when it comes to this. I'm a perfectionist and I'm not ashamed to say I am one. I am fully aware that I am accountable for every obstacles, disappointment of being a perfectionist and for that, I need not your further demotivating comment on why I shouldn't be a perfectionist. My result is not perfect. Bam! Yes, it's not. For me. Though I try to think on the good things that came along with those 3 digit.

I got a couple of As, which both are on the subject that I expected the least to get from. First, because I think I screwed up during the final test, and second, because my team and I, we got very low mark in our first assignment and as far as I'm concerned, the lecturer's marking style is strict. Also, thank God my PJ wasn't C! Cuz I didn't attend the camping, and my marks (I can say about 80%) rely on the report we (those who didn't attend the camping) did. It was B+. Good enough. And thank God also, that it wasn't that low, otherwise it'll be very hard for me to catch up my pointer in the following sem. So yeah, Alhamdulillah. Still, I need to work REALLY hard.

It's still hard for me to stop being sad bout this. Though I AM trying to reduce it. I have some people who congratulate me, but ya know, sometimes, you just know when that someone has some disappointment in you. You just know. And that hidden disappointment is the worst thing of all, no matter how many congratulation you shower me with.

God, I know this is only my first sem, but please make it easy for me. Please, I hope nobody ask me on the first day of sem2 how much I got. I won't tell you mine and I don't mind you not telling me yours. (And I reaaaally hate it when you force me to). I have my reasons why I don't wanna tell. If you still insist to know, all I can say is, it's okay, but not good enough for me. It really saddens me when my friends ask me (and I kinda get the hint that they kinda expected me to get it) if I got the Dean's List. I'm sorry to disappoint you whomever expect me to get Dean's List. I just didn't. You don't need to know exactly how much I got. I'm saying this cuz mcm geram jugak kpd mereka yg "bersungguh-sungguh" nak tahu aku dpt berapa. -.-

Ya know what, sometimes I think, hell! I'm already in university! This is not school anymore. You don't study hard to get A+. You're already in a university. I need to enjoy life, too! If I keep on stressing myself with these, I'd miss the beautiful, memorable moments in my life, no? Besides, bukannya bawak sampai ke mati pun A+ tu. But sometimes, I think, but I want to score in my studies too! I want to get good results that I can be proud of. It's been a while since I last.. being a very good student.. if ya get what I mean.. I miss that feeling, I miss being good and smart and all that.


Dilemma. If you're in my position, do you think you know which to choose, just studying and being carefree or focus and work damn hard for your grades, which..what will it bring in the end? Praises and good opportunity for jobs? I dunnoe. You tell me.



Belle's right. I'm a worrier. Part of being a perfectionist, I guess. -.-'

4 comments

  1. assalamualaikum, hi nina :) i'm mieza *shake hands* just wanna say, IMO, i think we should just enjoy our college life and dont enslave yourself 100% untuk study je. as u said, this is university, not a school anymore. there are a lot of other skills to master, and its important for our future career. as what my lecturers told me before, "employers out there dont need your straight A's and your 4 flats. they want something from you, that other candidates couldn't offer". i was in ur shoes before, used to being the top scorer yadda yadda and i experienced failures after that. but life is not a bed of roses, kan ? ada masa seronok, ada masa tak terjangka. so, just do as what ur blog says : "Fell. Stand Up. Smile" (^_^) good luck for ur new sem :)

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  2. Ninaaaa! Chill okay :D Memanglah result yang bagus tu menyeronokkan and buat kita puas dengan apa yang kita dah usahakan. but sometimes kita kena give ourselves a break. kalau tak boleh sem 1, sem 2345678 ada lagi. :D chill okay!!!!! and good luck for sem 2. alah, i can assure you takkan ada lagi drama. us "degree-ians" kan dah matang :D *hugssss*

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  3. good luck my dear.
    but please, don't push yourself too hard.
    a little push would make you go a long way,
    but if it's done in a overly way, you might fall onto the ground instead.
    remember this. :)

    if you don't enjoy your life now, bila lagi?
    you're a teenager my dear.

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  4. Fiery Phoenix:
    Wslm.. honestly, I'm surprised that you wrote me that long in your response to my post. I truly appreciate every letter you typed. Thank you so much. Yeah..you have a point too. I have to start preparing myself more on the qualities than quantities. haha Thanks a lot Mieza! Truly appreciate it. :D

    Yong:
    haha yeah. Ada byk lagi sem lain. Tp kena work harder la kan kalau nak catch up tak kasi jatuh berciciran. hahah Thanks, Yong! :)

    Nash:
    Yeah. A lil push is good. But not too much aite? xD Yeah, better enjoy before it's too late. Thanks, Nash! =)

    Thank you to all 3 of you for your thoughts. Really appreciate it. :)

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